Dark Romance: What, Why and Why It’s Okay

There’s often a lot of talk about ‘dark romance’ online in book communities. It’s something a lot of people like to read and write about, and those who don’t read it can misunderstand it. So let’s talk about the darker side of romance and what it means.

What is Dark Romance?

Dark romance stories focus on a romantic relationship between two characters where it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. These stories explore darker themes and often involve morally grey characters, taboo themes and issues around violence and abuse.

Themes like BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism) which involve more intense, potentially dangerous sexual activities. Issues around power dynamics can be involved where one character wields some kind of power over the other – whether physical, financial or something else.

Consent issues are another common theme in dark romance. You might see tags like ‘dubcon’ and ‘noncon’ in these things. ‘Dubcon’ means dubious consent – so not enthusastic affirmative consent. It’s the kind of grey area between consensual sex and sexual assault. ‘Noncon’ is over the line into non-consensual acts. This obviously means sexual assault and rape.

Characters in these stories will do things that are morally reprehensible or unethical for the sake of love. There can be themes of obsession, stalking and pursuing sex in questionable ways. Or one of the characters attacks or harms people in the love interests life out of revenge.

These are themes that are heavy and dark. They can be uncomfortable,  unpleasant and unsettling, which is kind of the point. It’s not a sweet, fluffy romance we’re dealing with. Serious themes can be difficult to read.

So Why Do People Like It?

There are many reasons people like reading or writing this kind of story. It’s a fantasy that allows for a safe way to explore dangerous things and dark themes. Nobody gets hurt for real, and the escapism is a big reason people read in general.

A lot of these stories will have thriller or even horror aspects to them, which again a lot of people enjoy. The adrenaline from an exciting story is good and dark romances definitely can fall into this category too.

People like villains and morally grey characters, they’re interesting to read about. Perfect, happy characters can get a bit boring. There’s a bit of excitement and danger to a character who has an unconventional moral code and that can be thrilling to readers.

Lots of people fantasise about some of these dark themes and kinks that are a bit unconventional. These stories are a safer way to explore these fantasies. There are a couple of things which are still questionable to my mind, involving animals or underage characters. But other than that, I think everything else is fair game.

You might think that people who have survived horrible experiences like this in real life would avoid this kind of material but that’s not always the case. While it’s awful that such things happen in the real world, a lot of abuse and sexual assault survivors enjoy reading dark romances. Some of them even find it helps them in their healing journey and helps them process what happened to them, their experiences.

Why It’s Okay To Like Dark Romance

As I said, a lot of people find these stories help them with their own trauma and experiences. Others just enjoy darker stories and material that has higher stakes and tension. It’s no different to people enjoying horror stories and movies.

People don’t watch horror films and then go out and murder people. Same thing with dark romance stories. The fantasy and escapism is fun but it doesn’t mean that people are going to go and kidnap someone to coerce them into a BDSM relationship.

There is nothing wrong with exploring these themes and reading about them. As long as you’re not breaking any laws and harming anyone in real life, it’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with having fantasies that you would never act on for real. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying what you enjoy and reading or writing what you want.

Content Warnings

An important caveat here. Not all survivors of abuse and sexual assault want to read about these kinds of topics. While some might find it helps them, others could be harmed by stumbling into topics that trigger them. It’s also okay to not like or want to read about certain things.

Trauma and the consequences of it are complex and unique to each individual. Their experiences should never be trivialised or downplayed. We shouldn’t be glorifying these horrible things either and care should be taken when writing about these topics.

So content warnings are an essential part of preventing harm when writing darker stories. Anyone who thinks they’re not needed is questionable. Having a list of content warnings in the front matter of the book helps people avoid topics that might be too upsetting for them. Including them in the description as well is a good idea.

It’s simply letting people know what is in the book that might be triggering to them. You see this in other media all the time. That’s why we have movie and game rating systems. It’s not ‘sensitive’ to want to avoid content that will harm or upset you. You have to take care of your mental health, after all.

So to authors who write darker stories, don’t forget the content warnings. If you’re not sure of it, perhaps look into a sensitivity reader before publishing. Make sure you’re handling difficult topics appropriately.

Thanks for reading!

Emi The Cat Lady 💜