Euphemisms and Awkward Descriptions

There is such a thing as being too creative when it comes to writing. This is especially apparent when we’re discussing romantic scenes. The descriptors some authors choose for body parts can be questionable.

I adore the videos from Atomic Apple Pie where she reads out some of these descriptions and how cringe they are. It’s entertaining but also kind of bizarre. Sometimes you can overdo it.

For example, it seems to be common for the male organ to be compared to a weapon: a spear, a sword, love’s sweet arrow. Weapons imply violence, and that isn’t really a good thing. So maybe let’s not. This often goes along with describing the female genitalia as a ‘sheath’ for said ‘sword’ which again feels a bit weird. Also, ‘impaling’ to describe the act of penetration has similiarly violent connotations.

Talking about the vagina as a ‘woman’s secret place’ or a ‘cave’ is weird to me as well. Like, it’s not that complicated or secretive. It’s not like most women hide their treasures in there like a dragon’s hoard. ‘Lady garden’ and ‘flower’ are polite I guess but again it’s just a bit of an odd comparison.

I also loathe the descriptions using ‘moist’ and ‘damp’, a lot of people get the ick from the word ‘moist’ and dampness sounds unpleasant. Like a leaky basement or something, where you’d see mould growing. Not sexy to most people, is it?

Food is another common comparison. Sausages and ham sandwiches, or beef anything is just strange and off-putting for me. Keep your ‘man meat’ to yourself, please. Same goes for breasts: melons, citrus fruits or pancakes – none of that sounds sexy to me.

Of course using juvenile words like ‘peepee’ and ‘hooha’ should also be avoided. You’re writing adult fiction for adults, so let’s behave like adults, yes? Using such childish words gives it a creepy vibe.

I understand that using the correct anatomical terms can sound very clinical and make you feel like you’re back in biology class. I’m reminded of that scene in Friends where Ross is asked to talk dirty to a woman he’s dating and he says ‘vulva’. It’s the correct word for the external genitalia, but it doesn’t sound that appealing.

So my advice is to keep it relatively simple, pick a couple of commonly used terms that fit the vibe of your story and stick with those. Think about what words are used in sex scenes you enjoyed reading and echo those. If you can’t read it out loud without cringing, it needs revision.

Another point is that romance scenes work a lot better if your focus is on the emotions and the relationship between the characters instead of detailed stage directions of what is happening. Tab A goes into slot B, that kind of thing. Like with fighting and action scenes, it’s not just about what the characters are doing, but how the action affects the characters and their relationships with each other.

Emi the Cat Lady 💜

Reading: Content and Trigger Warnings

Content And Trigger Warnings

Last week we briefly touched on content warnings when discussing dark romance which deals with dark subject matter that might be distressing to some readers. So let’s talk more about it, because it is an important subject and needs to be covered.

Content Rating Systems

Most other media content we consume has an official rating system that allows people to be selective about what they watch or play. These tools are especially important for parents deciding what to let their children consume in the media. When I was growing up, I loved watching South Park. My parents had no idea what the content was in that show, and I probably shouldn’t have been watching it at the age I was when it came out.

The systems vary depending on the media and your location. For example the Motion Picture Association of North America uses the following rating system:

G	General Audiences: Suitable for all ages
PG	Parental Guidance: some content maybe unsuitable for young children
PG-13	Material may be inapporpriate for children under 13 years of age
R	Adult material – must have parent or guardian if under 17 years of age
NC-17	Adults only – must be 18 years old or over to view

 

These ratings will be accompanied by notes on what specific kinds of content are included in the media. This could include violence and gore, swearing and bad language, use of tobacco products, drugs and alcohol, nudity and sexual content.

The British Board of Film Classification uses a very similar system. 

U	Universal	Suitable for all with only very mild references
PG	Parental Guidance	General viewing but may be unsuitable for young children under 8 years old
12A	12 Adult	Children younger than 12 must have an adult as moderate themes
12	12 years +	For home release – must be 12 to rent or buy (obviously rare now!)
15	15 years +	Fairly mature themes but no graphic sexual detail
18	Adults	No limit on language, drugs, sexual content, gore etc
R18	Licensed	Explicit sex, fetish, extreme sex acts – porn basically

 

Video games are also subject to rating systems. The Pan-European Game Information rates video games based on content and is fairly similar to the movie rating system above. It will also provide content descriptions with symbols for things like bad language, discrimination, drugs, horror, gambling, sex, violence and online interactions which could be difficult to regulate and prevent younger children being exposed to objectionable content.

Fiction Rating Systems

There is no official rating system for books. Fanfiction websites do have rating systems. Both AO3 and Fanfiction.net use ratings to allow authors to give a general idea of the content of a work before they read. I’m most familiar with fanfiction.net. The system is largely based on the MPA one.

FFNET rating	Age Range	MPA Equivalent
K	Ages 5+	G Rating
K+	Ages 9+	PG Rating
T	Teens 13+	PG-13
M	Mature 16+	R rating
MA	Adults Only – Explicit	NC-17

 

MA is not allowed on fanfiction.net, but AO3 does allow this, while it includes a warning to the reader to ensure they are aware of the content.

Content Warnings

It is now becoming more common to include content warnings at the beginning of the book. Or it can be added at the end, and readers can be directed to it from the front of the book. It’s also important to give this information to anyone who reads your book during the writing and editing process such as critique partners, editors, proof readers, sensitivity readers and the like.

Authors may also include the details on their website and social media channels. It is possible to avoid spoilers but content warnings do need to be specific: so state ‘child abuse’ instead of just ‘abuse’ or the like.

There are all kinds of subjects that require content warnings: a full list can be found here.

But generally any kind of racism, homophobia, transphobia or bigotry would need a warning. As well as abuse, child abuse, sexual violence or abuse, grief and loss, blood, gore, body horror, extreme violence, suicide and self-harm.

Nobody is saying you can’t write about these subjects, just that you should be aware of the need for some sensitivity for your readers.

Why?

Because trauma has a profound effect on the body and the brain. When we suffer some kind of trauma, it can literally change the way our brains work. So an unexpected reminder or depiction of a past trauma can set off a really severe flashback and associated symptoms of PTSD. This can cause real harm. These responses cannot be controlled.

Not everyone who has experienced a particular trauma will be triggered by mentions of it. We discussed last week that some people can find reading about a subject can be healing or help them cope. But for others, an unexpected reminder can be a real issue for them.

Anyone who dismisses this or tells you that they shouldn’t be affected when it’s not real is talking crap. PTSD is a complex mental health condition and everyone’s experiences are different. First and foremost, we should be taking care of our mental health. Content warnings allow readers to do that.

Providing these warnings protects your readers from actual harm, and it shows respect for them. You can do this without spoiling things but you do need to be as specific as possible. It can only help your readers and ultimately showing that kind of care towards your audience will mean readers are more likely to recommend your books and read more of your work. So it’s a win-win for everyone.

Thanks for reading, I hope you found this useful and helpful. Remember, it's not okay to shame people for what they enjoy and it is important to respect and show compassion when it comes to potentially upsetting or triggering content. For more, don't forget to subscribe to the blog!

Emi the Cat Lady 💜

Book Review: The Magic Cottage by James Herbert

 

The Magic Cottage: James Herbert

I reread this book again recently after reading it years ago. I enjoyed it the second time around even though I still had a vague memory of what happens. The story focuses on a young couple who both work as artists. Midge is a painter and illustrator while Mike is a musician.

They choose to buy a new home and move away from the city of London for a peaceful space they can work in. They end up buying a cottage called Gramarye, which has an unusual design and looks like it came straight out of a fairy tale. They move in and to start with everything seems great.

Then things start to happen, subtle things at first but escalating as the story continues. I won’t avoid spoilers but there are a few fun twists and turns and some genuinely spooky and uncomfortable imagery. The main characters are interesting and well written, flawed and complementary.

It’s not an overt horror story to my mind, but very much leans into its supernatural elements and highlights how easily humans can rationalise things. Even in the face of overt unexplainable things. The power of belief and the importance of choices and free will.

It’s a good read, nicely spooky and creepy. I’d give it 4 stars and would recommend it to anyone who like horror and supernatural stories. I think the foreshadowing of certain things could have been a little bit more subtle.

Emi The Cat Lady 💜

 

Dark Romance: What, Why and Why It’s Okay

There’s often a lot of talk about ‘dark romance’ online in book communities. It’s something a lot of people like to read and write about, and those who don’t read it can misunderstand it. So let’s talk about the darker side of romance and what it means.

What is Dark Romance?

Dark romance stories focus on a romantic relationship between two characters where it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. These stories explore darker themes and often involve morally grey characters, taboo themes and issues around violence and abuse.

Themes like BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism) which involve more intense, potentially dangerous sexual activities. Issues around power dynamics can be involved where one character wields some kind of power over the other – whether physical, financial or something else.

Consent issues are another common theme in dark romance. You might see tags like ‘dubcon’ and ‘noncon’ in these things. ‘Dubcon’ means dubious consent – so not enthusastic affirmative consent. It’s the kind of grey area between consensual sex and sexual assault. ‘Noncon’ is over the line into non-consensual acts. This obviously means sexual assault and rape.

Characters in these stories will do things that are morally reprehensible or unethical for the sake of love. There can be themes of obsession, stalking and pursuing sex in questionable ways. Or one of the characters attacks or harms people in the love interests life out of revenge.

These are themes that are heavy and dark. They can be uncomfortable,  unpleasant and unsettling, which is kind of the point. It’s not a sweet, fluffy romance we’re dealing with. Serious themes can be difficult to read.

So Why Do People Like It?

There are many reasons people like reading or writing this kind of story. It’s a fantasy that allows for a safe way to explore dangerous things and dark themes. Nobody gets hurt for real, and the escapism is a big reason people read in general.

A lot of these stories will have thriller or even horror aspects to them, which again a lot of people enjoy. The adrenaline from an exciting story is good and dark romances definitely can fall into this category too.

People like villains and morally grey characters, they’re interesting to read about. Perfect, happy characters can get a bit boring. There’s a bit of excitement and danger to a character who has an unconventional moral code and that can be thrilling to readers.

Lots of people fantasise about some of these dark themes and kinks that are a bit unconventional. These stories are a safer way to explore these fantasies. There are a couple of things which are still questionable to my mind, involving animals or underage characters. But other than that, I think everything else is fair game.

You might think that people who have survived horrible experiences like this in real life would avoid this kind of material but that’s not always the case. While it’s awful that such things happen in the real world, a lot of abuse and sexual assault survivors enjoy reading dark romances. Some of them even find it helps them in their healing journey and helps them process what happened to them, their experiences.

Why It’s Okay To Like Dark Romance

As I said, a lot of people find these stories help them with their own trauma and experiences. Others just enjoy darker stories and material that has higher stakes and tension. It’s no different to people enjoying horror stories and movies.

People don’t watch horror films and then go out and murder people. Same thing with dark romance stories. The fantasy and escapism is fun but it doesn’t mean that people are going to go and kidnap someone to coerce them into a BDSM relationship.

There is nothing wrong with exploring these themes and reading about them. As long as you’re not breaking any laws and harming anyone in real life, it’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with having fantasies that you would never act on for real. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying what you enjoy and reading or writing what you want.

Content Warnings

An important caveat here. Not all survivors of abuse and sexual assault want to read about these kinds of topics. While some might find it helps them, others could be harmed by stumbling into topics that trigger them. It’s also okay to not like or want to read about certain things.

Trauma and the consequences of it are complex and unique to each individual. Their experiences should never be trivialised or downplayed. We shouldn’t be glorifying these horrible things either and care should be taken when writing about these topics.

So content warnings are an essential part of preventing harm when writing darker stories. Anyone who thinks they’re not needed is questionable. Having a list of content warnings in the front matter of the book helps people avoid topics that might be too upsetting for them. Including them in the description as well is a good idea.

It’s simply letting people know what is in the book that might be triggering to them. You see this in other media all the time. That’s why we have movie and game rating systems. It’s not ‘sensitive’ to want to avoid content that will harm or upset you. You have to take care of your mental health, after all.

So to authors who write darker stories, don’t forget the content warnings. If you’re not sure of it, perhaps look into a sensitivity reader before publishing. Make sure you’re handling difficult topics appropriately.

Thanks for reading!

Emi The Cat Lady 💜

Book Review: By The Orchid And The Owl by Mariah Montoya

 

By The Orchid and the Owl: Mariah Montoya

 

I really enjoyed this book. By the Orchid and the Owl is an academic fantasy where young adults are sent to an institute and gifted some kind of magic which they must learn to wield. The main character Rayna meets an older student, Coen Steeler and she uncovers some dark and dangerous secrets.

I really enjoyed the setting, it sounded interesting but leaves an air of mystery and the unknown beyond the limits of the protections around the setting. I find the magic system very interesting and it’s well explained without too much info-dumping.

The world-building is great, and so are the characters. They are all very fleshed out and well developed. Rayna is great, Coen is attractive but a little frustrating at times. The other characters are also great and while there are the typical academia archetypes, they’re written so well that they don’t feel too much like cliché tropes.

One thing that I felt a little weird about was the switch in Quinn. An old friend of Rayna’s for so long but she suddenly turned on her with little explanation? I feel like there could have been a little bit more foreshadowing that the friendship wasn’t entirely what Rayna thought it was. That Quinn would suddenly walk away from both her closest friend and boyfriend, it was a bit odd.

That said, I love the little mouse friend and her relationship with Jagaros. There were a couple of points where the book lost me in the plot but on the whole I think the storyline is solid and I am intrigued to read the next book in the series and follow Rayna’s story. I give this book 5 stars because I had a great time with it.

Emi the Cat Lady 💜

History of Sex in Literature

 

Romance and Spice

Erotic literature has a long history. The oldest love poem we know of was found on an ancient Sumerian clay tablet, dated back to the 3^rd millennium BCE. Ancient Sumer produced a lot of erotic poetry. So basically it’s existed as long as the written word has existed.

Moving ahead in time, we find a lot of erotic verse and poetry from Ancient Greece and Rome. A notable one is Sappho from the island Lesbos, she wrote a lot of poetry and symbolises desire and love between women. We get the terms ‘sapphic’ and ‘lesbian’ from her, terms used to describe romantic and sexual relationships between women.

The only poem that survives intact is Ode to Aphrodite. Aphrodite is the Greek goddess of love, beauty, fertility and sexual pleasure. There is a lot of literature that describes same sex relationships and acts. Proof that homosexuality is as ancient as humanity.

Another famous text related to sex is the Kama Sutra: an ancient Indian text written in Sanskrit and dated around the 3^rd century BCE. The text covers a huge range of topics related to romance, courtship, miarriage, adultery, sex and sexual acts, including positions and same-sex relationships. There is even coverage of S&M and group sex. The text has been translated and published many times.

During the Romantic period in Britain, there was a decline in erotic works. Explicit content was suppressed when the Obscene Publications Act of 1857 was introduced. This made it unlawful to sell ‘obscene material’ and it was a statutory offence. The definition of ‘obscene’ was never included so it was left to the courts to decide if the material was classed as obscene.

That said, French writers kept the erotica going, including works by the Marquis de Sade who influenced a lot of S&M included in fiction. Clandestine works continued this trend in the Victorian era and many explicit works were circulated in secret.

In the 20^th century manyu works were published and sexual content has found its way back into the mainstream. Especially with the advent of the internet, allowing people to publish written works in a new way. Fanfiction became a thing, and there were some issues with explicit content that got banned from certain fanfic archives like fanfiction.net. There are archives specifically for the MA (Mature Adult) rated fics.

There was renewed discussion when 50 Shades of Grey was published. A trilogy of books by E. L. James featuring a BDSM relationship that brought erotica and romance into the mainstream again. These books started out as Twilight fanfiction, but took the world by storm. For me, the books are problematic but that’s a discussion for another day.

That said, it has paved the way for other authors and we now have a vast array of books featuring ‘open door’ sex scenes and centered around romance themes. Particularly fantasy romance or ‘romantasy’ novels which have become very popular. The term ‘spice’ has been adopted to refer to how much explicit content is in books while avoiding censorship on social media.

Recently there was a bit of drama around this, where a content creator posted a video on YouTube mocking readers of the ‘romantasy genre’ and implying they had mental health problems and needed to ‘touch grass’. The backlash led to the video being unlisted and an apology on Tik Tok.

Here’s the issue. Not everyone likes ‘spicy scenes’ but plenty of people do. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s clear among the demographics of readers that these books are popular among women but plenty of others enjoy them too. And that’s okay.

I don’t mind spice, but I also don’t need it in what I read. It’s not a deal breaker for me, but I don’t hate it when it’s written well either. I’m not easily shocked or naïve so it’s good either way. The point is, it’s okay for people to read what they like, and not read what they don’t like. Nobody should be made to feel ashamed for enjoying what they like.

As long as it’s not glorifying dangerous things like serious sexual assault or paedophilia, it’s all good. We all know that the pornography industry is highly exploitative, but erotic fiction is a lot less so and sex is a part of life. So it makes sense that it would fit into some stories.

There’s also nothing wrong with reading straight erotica where there’s little plot. If you enjoy it, and you’re not harming anyone, what’s the problem? People raise concerns about the effect that ‘spice’ can have on sexual assault survivors, especially in the ‘dark romance’ sub-genre. However many readers who are survivors say that reading the content helps them heal from their experiences and I can see why.

Reading about these things could help reset their view of sex and take back control of their bodies and sexuality. There will be survivors who don’t want to read this stuff, and that’s fine too. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. But nobody should be shamed for liking spicy books, and nobody should be shamed for not liking them. Deal? 

Great, glad to hear it. Come back on Friday for another book review!

Emi the Cat Lady 💜